Children Who Don't Want or Won't Stay for Lessons
There are two aspects to this post. Children who don't want
lessons and children who don't want to stay for a lesson. Right now, it is
September. Many programs have just started, and children have only been in
school for a couple of weeks so you will probably see both scenarios. Let's
start with the first.
Children who don't want lessons. The root of most times when children don't want lessons comes down to relationships. The first is their
relationship with the school. Is school a place that they want to go to? Is
school a place that has been talked about positively in the home? While you
can't fix how school is perceived in the home, you can work on how the child
perceives school when they are in attendance. A large part of that is building a
positive and trusting relationship with that young person. The time that you
invest in getting to know the children in your care will pay dividends later
when you are moving into more academic work. Children who have positive
trusting relationships with the adults in their school environments are more
eager to accept lessons and to take academic risks. An academic risk is simply
trying something new at school.
So how do you build relationships with these children? Lots
of ways! I always encourage teachers to go have a little fun with the children
or with the child. Go out on the playground and kick the soccer ball together
or swing on the swings. Sit in the grass and have a conversation with them
about the things that they really like or the things that make them the
happiest in the whole wide world. Share about yourself and the things that you
love to do and the pets that you have at home. Try and find a place that you
can relate to this person. This is the common ground that you both can pull
from in building your relationship. Let's say, you both have dogs. That can
become the touch point to start each day. You both could share a story about
what your dog did that morning or what they ate for breakfast. This opens the
door to the beginning of a relationship that is enjoyable! The next step is to
really start to get to know what makes that child tick. What interests them and
what their strengths are. From there, you can start to create small activities
just for them that align with the things they really enjoy and the things that
they are very good at. This builds confidence and good feelings not just toward
school but toward you. This is a way for a child to feel seen.
Even if this is an issue you're having with a child in the
middle of the school year, reflect and ask yourself what your relationship
looks like with that child. Is this a child that you have taken the time to
bond with and really get to know? Put intention into fostering a stronger
trusting relationship with that child and see if things change.
Let's shift to think about children who won't stay for a
lesson. These are the friends that just get up and leave in the middle of a
presentation. If this is happening at the beginning of the school year, what
you are likely facing is more of an attention and stamina issue than anything else,
most likely. Our youngest and newest students often have shorter attention
spans. Their stamina to work is lower than children who have been in the
environment for some time. Think about your work cycle at the very beginning of
the year. I would be shocked if you could get a full 3-hour work cycle out of a
brand new class on the 1st week of school! The children simply aren't ready.
Our young children need time and practical life to build up that stamina to
stay with an activity. They are building up those powers of concentration as
well as the will. New children are also learning how to sit and stay not only
with a work, but for a lesson. Now what this does not mean is that we force a
child to sit and stay with us when they are clearly ready to leave. Observe the
child's body and how they are responding to what you are offering and modify
accordingly. Does that mean you end the lesson before it is complete? 100%!
Find a graceful place to close that lesson and have the child help you put it
away. If it is a short lesson and they cannot stay with you for that short
amount of time, this was not the right lesson for them. Take time to get to
know the interests of that child start there.
The other reason may simply be interest. Sometimes the lesson we feel we need to give is not the lesson that the child wants. We can either pull back and observe or try restrategizing. When you pull back, there is an opportunity to try and connect with the child's interest. Can something they are interested in be built into the lesson? Restrategizing means waiting until a better time or when the child is better prepared or evaluating your delivery. Can you add a little special something to be extra engaging? For example, maybe taking the lesson outdoors would do the trick!
I do also want to mention how a child sits for a lesson
because I think this is important. Over the years I have seen some teachers
that demand the child sit a certain way for a lesson when they are sitting on
the rug at the floor. My biggest question is this, does it matter if the child
is sitting crisscross or sitting with their legs to the side or if they are
laying on their belly? Is the way a child sits interfering with how they are
receiving the information of the lesson? In my mind, the only way the posture
of a child would affect what they are learning is only if they are unable to
clearly see what is happening at the rug. I challenge us to be accommodating
with how our children are coming to receive the work that we are offering to
them. Some neurodiverse children may have a need for pressure on their abdomen
and in this case, we would be doing them a disservice by forcing them to sit in
a way that does not meet the needs of their body.
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